inthetags:

reblog and put in the tags the fictional character death that destroyed you the most

avidreaderffn:

itsthespidersman:

transpeter:

AU where Tony knew Aunt May and Uncle Ben in college so that in Iron Man 2 when Peter goes to the Stark Expo it becomes a “Charles and Ellen Mulaney meet Bill Clinton” scenario in the Parker household.

Peter: My aunt gets the invitation to the Stark Expo in the mail, and she goes, “We gotta go! We gotta go see Tony!” and without looking at her and just turning the page in a newspaper my uncle goes, “Why? It’s not like he’s going to remember you.“ 

With great power comes great responsibility. Same motherfucker.

So my aunt says, “Fine, I’ll take Peter.”

And I go, “Heck yeah!” and I slide out into the living room in my Iron Man mask and we walk out the door.

So we walk into the Stark Expo, and everyone is there. A real Who’s Not of New York Celebrities. J. Jonah Jameson is there. JJJ was the Daily Bugle editor who would do fun things like scream about how superheroes were ruining the world. He’d say like “Ant-Man is a menace! What is stopping him from going full Godzilla on the Empire State Building!” and we’d be like “man that’s the wrong movie monster, J.” He was there. Everybody.

And in the sky above the main stage, we see a glimmer of red and gold. And it was him… Tony Stark. The Iron Man. But he’s up on stage with Justin Hammer and all these prototype drones, so we can’t get close.

Then, the drones start going nuts and shooting at Mr. Stark. And we run, but somehow I get separated from Aunt May. All of a sudden, I’m alone and facing down this drone by myself. Just me and my plastic Iron Man mask. And then the real Iron Man lands behind me and blasts it! He flew off, and I find Aunt May, and I’m telling her what happened as the Expo explodes behind us. And as everything calms down, he lands nearby. Tony Stark. He’s immediately mobbed by reporters, though. So, what are you gonna do?

Well, if you’re my aunt, you ball up the back of my hoodie, and you push me forward like a human shield. And then you start jogging while yelling “this eight year old has to meet America’s greatest hero!” Kind of implying that I might be dying. My feet were not on the ground. She was swinging me like a snowplow, I was just mowing down loud New York reporters left and right. I think I kicked J. Jonah Jameson in the face.

We get through the crowd and land at Tony Stark’s feet. Mr. Stark turns, looks at my aunt, and says “hi, May” because Tony Stark never forgets a bitch, ever. My aunt melts. She goes “hi, Tony.” Then it becomes apparent that she has no plan. So she pushes me towards him and says “this is my nephew, Peter. He’s also going to be a hero one day.” And i was like “what the hell are you talking about? I’m not gonna be a hero” because I had no superpowers and no crazy advanced suit of armor. Yet.

Based on my eight year old memory, Mr. Stark is about 13 feet tall. And he leaned down because, well, besides the Iron Man mask, i was also wearing this button I had bought outside. It was a cartoon button, and it had Justin Hammer on it, and it had a pigeon in Iron Man colors flying over him, and it was shitting on his head. And it said “bird-brained,” and I thought that was very funny. And Mr. Stark leaned down so only I could hear and whispered “hey kid, i like your button” and I said “you can do whatever you want forever” and he took my advice and invented time travel and then fucking died in front of me.

Hey abby do you have a mailing adress? I gotta send you my medical bill for the whiplash this gave me

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name:

time…to speak on an irondad dynamic that I feel is criminally underused even though I made it up in my head and haven’t shared it before.

So. Peter Parker loves sports. We know that. In Civil War he says he wishes he could play football, and there’s an entire short of him trying to go to an NBA finals watch party. But it’s like…so glossed over. Why. I deserve wannabe jock Peter Parker.

we all deserve Rabid New York Sports Fan Peter Parker.

But here’s what we also deserve: Tony, rich kid Tony, building computers at 7 like the nerd he is…knowing absolutely Nothing about sports.

Sure, he threw the NBA party and sat courtside but that was like…a celebrity thing. That was a status thing. He was more worried with what he was wearing and who was on the guest list, Peter was the one invested in watching the game…Tony literally had his glasses on at the game he was probably texting Pepper during it asking her to explain what was actually happening lmao

But anyway…I just love the concept of Peter just…enraged at some new recruit’s stats and on a full rant while Tony is struggling to figure out what sport the kid’s even talking about.

Tony not being able to tell the difference between a soccer ball and a volleyball, not realizing that the reason Peter’s acting like it’s the end of the world is because his favorite hockey team didn’t win the Stanley Cup.

Tony trying to bond with the kid and having a vague idea that people take kids to baseball games, and he’s expecting a nice, if a little boring day with his sweet, polite little mentee and then spending the next few hours watching Peter shoving hog dogs down his throat while somehow also screaming curses and vague threats at the other team’s batters at the top of his lungs…Peter just goes like Full Queens Accent when he’s angry so he’s screaming “MISS! MIIIISSS! YA REALLY THINK YA CAN BEAT NEW YAWK! YA FUCKA!!” and poor Tony’s just sitting next to him like “😱😱😱😰😰😰🤯😵”

Peter can list any team’s line up and stats, and goes feral whenever a game is on tv, no matter the sport, and Tony tries So Hard to follow along and engage in the kid’s interests but the damn poindexter just,,,,cannot understand what’s happening lmao he’s just like “ah yes I see he has gotten…the bäll? how wonderful!” and Peter’s like “MISTA STAWK THAT’S THE AWTHER TEAM WHAT ARE YA TALKING ABOUT ARE YA A NEW YAWKER OR NOT” and Tony’s. a little terrified lmao

Rhodey is using Tony’s phone for something one day and sees a bunch of google searches that are like “what to do if your kid is a jock” “how to handle jock child” “what is my kid talking about” “sports translator???” “how to make my kid think I understand sports” “wikihow do I parent a jock” “how to get my teen to stop cursing at sports” “how to make myself like sports” “how to handle your kid having different interests than you” “how do I make my teen think I’m cool again”. Rhodey screenshots them all and posts them on twitter.

Tony feeling really great because he got a bunch of football merch for Peter’s birthday one year but he got merch for like….the dolphins or something and Peter’s thanking him and being grateful but Dying inside lmao

When Peter’s in college the giants somehow win the super bowl and the city goes absolutely insane. riots and partying every where in the streets. It’s beyond out of hand. Tony’s watching news coverage and is in the middle of texting ‘does spidey need some help with this mess?’ When the news camera shows Peter and his roommate standing on top of a car, shotgunning beer, both of them shirtless and painted in the team’s colors, leading the immediate crowd in a very explicit celebration song.

Just….there’s like a common trope of Manly Man Sports Man having a rough time trying to connect with his nerdy son and I just think it’s hilarious in reverse…let Peter get a little more confident and join the school football team and Tony comes to every game but can’t even tell which team is which much less pick his kid out on the field. Having absolutely no idea who actually won until Peter tells him. I love it. I deserve it.

thank you for coming to my TED talk